Magnetic Heels and The Perfect Shower Gift...For Him
A friend invites you to a baby shower. Well, OK, in
my case, they invite my wife, so I don't have to deal
with it. But, I have some advice: while you are
looking through the endless variations of baby strollers,
outfits, etc., spare a thought for the father-to-be.
Go to the nearest sporting goods store and buy a
cup. Yes, one of those devices designed to protect
the testicles from serious injury. Then wrap it up
and send it along for the father-to-be. Trust me.
In about six months, the cup will look
like a battered hockey mask and the guy will be
thanking you!
Almost from day one, I discovered that a child's
feet are magnetically attracted to the nearest crotch.
Lift him off the floor - he'll kick you on the way past.
Stretch out on the bed - he'll climb up and get you.
And it's not just the feet. Come home - he'll run across the
house shouting "DAD!!" and his head will butt directly into
your crotch.
This continues until . . . well, I don't know. It's been almost
six years and it's still going on around here! What I can't
figure out is: my son started out very small, and has grown
much larger . . . why do his feet still align with my crotch if
we stretch out on the same couch??
I'm thinking there are probably some kind of natural magnets,
that evolved specifically to prevent overpopulation. Not that
they are working just yet - the kicking just needs to be a little
harder to achieve that goal! So, logically, the next trend will
be babies with huge leg muscles.
In the meantime, buy those cups. Someone will thank you.
my case, they invite my wife, so I don't have to deal
with it. But, I have some advice: while you are
looking through the endless variations of baby strollers,
outfits, etc., spare a thought for the father-to-be.
Go to the nearest sporting goods store and buy a
cup. Yes, one of those devices designed to protect
the testicles from serious injury. Then wrap it up
and send it along for the father-to-be. Trust me.
In about six months, the cup will look
like a battered hockey mask and the guy will be
thanking you!
Almost from day one, I discovered that a child's
feet are magnetically attracted to the nearest crotch.
Lift him off the floor - he'll kick you on the way past.
Stretch out on the bed - he'll climb up and get you.
And it's not just the feet. Come home - he'll run across the
house shouting "DAD!!" and his head will butt directly into
your crotch.
This continues until . . . well, I don't know. It's been almost
six years and it's still going on around here! What I can't
figure out is: my son started out very small, and has grown
much larger . . . why do his feet still align with my crotch if
we stretch out on the same couch??
I'm thinking there are probably some kind of natural magnets,
that evolved specifically to prevent overpopulation. Not that
they are working just yet - the kicking just needs to be a little
harder to achieve that goal! So, logically, the next trend will
be babies with huge leg muscles.
In the meantime, buy those cups. Someone will thank you.
posted by Mr. L at 10:38 PM
3 Comments:
I think that is A GREAT idea for a baby shower gift. The last shower I went to was THE LAST shower I will ever go to. It was for a Greek girlfriend of mine whose family was unbelievebly huge. I didn't really know anyone there, and had to sit through 2 HOURS of gift opening. One tiny onesy after another. The ladies oood and ahhed over EVERYTHING. IT WAS HELL! If the dad had gotten your gift, it would have at least broken the monotony!
How about the babies that like to pull my hair? can we invent something for that?
I have a theory on the baby/hair-pulling thing...could be a future post!
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