Transgression Thursday 2
Has it been a week already? Just how DO those people who write one
newspaper column per week do it?? I mean, apart from the incentive of
the ridiculously high salary? Because we all know that the less you do,
the more you make. Usually. Oh, screw it, I don't care who disagrees.
It's true.
I had never noticed how 'dirty' our local signage could be until a few days ago.
Within the space of one mile, Dunkin' Donuts had "Slip your smoothie into a coozie"
.....well, OK, I'm all for that.
There's a bakery with a big sign for "Country Pie"......that's a eupemism, right?
And there's a business called "Mahfuz & Sons"..... I guess that's the process
for getting sons.
Remember when home heating oil used to drop in price every summer because
no one was using it? I used to fill my tank every August because that's
when the prices were lowest. I figured ONE discounted tank wouldn't hurt
the oil industry. I guess I was wrong. With Dub 'n' Dick's "Energy Task Force" plan
now fully in force, the prices DON'T drop in the summer anymore.
"Task Force".....it's obvious that the "task" was to maximize industry
profits.
I was driving the other day and saw lots of traffic ahead. Fortunately,
there was an alternate route I could take at the upcoming light.
I looked in the mirror and saw no one close by in the lane to my left - great,
I can swing over there and make the left turn....admittedly, already past
where the lane markers divide, but no one was close by in the lane so I went for
it. THEN, an old guy, who was about 12 car-lengths back, stomped on
his accelerator and caught up to me. He started waving his hands and
yelling, blowing his horn and shaking his head. Now, I hadn't cut him off.
He was just enforcing his own brand of law, letting me know HE SAW me
make the late lane change. It kind of pissed me off, because yes, I had done it,
BUT who the fuck was he?? Fortunately for him, he didn't do it to
someone about a mile down the road in an area where he may have
gotten shot for that behaviour. Fortunate for him that I'm just a regular
moron. What if he'd found an irregular one who was armed?? Anyway,
I didn't cut him off so WTF??? Shut up and mind your own business.
My son's friend's mom deceived us. A month ago, when we were all talking
about sending our kids to "Think Camp" at the local college, she told
me her daughter (my son's best friend) would be attending the full day session.
We figured they'd like to go together. So I signed Master L up for the
full-day class. The thing starts and I find out that Miss V is only
attending for half the day. The nerve. The gall. What, was the mom
working for the enrollment board at the college?! Then we decided it
may actually work out better this way, because Miss V is moving away
in a month, so Master L will need to find a "new" "best" "friend".
[Don't let any of those quotes give you any false impressions of how I
feel about the subject of "friends". Heh.]
We're going to dinner at their house tonight, so I'll be sure to use some
of my subtle wit to punish her.
One of our cars is now refusing to start. It was fine. Now it's not. And
it's always when we park a car right in front of the garage door that it
will die....because it's in the way there. That spot is like the Bermuda
Triangle for automobiles. Nothing like having a non-functioning car
stuck at the top of a hill, blocking the path I use to load my musical
equipment. The only finishing touch will be rain, which will only last
the duration of the load-in/out process.
My insurance company refused to pay for a May 1 doctor appointment
I had. They claimed my "referral from the primary care doctor had run out."
After a bunch of phone calls, I discovered that the referral was for EIGHTEEN
visits. I swear, the insurance company just rubber stamps a "NO" and
hopes you won't look into it any further. Bastards. Anyway, they
didn't get away with it - but I spent over an hour on the phone.
I hate the phone. I dread hearing it ring. I've been known to cuss at the
mere sound of a phone ringing. And we've got three damned lines.....I
cuss a lot. Oh, wait, I do that regardless of the phones.
P.S.: No, Mrs. L, I'm not talking about when YOU call!!! :)
newspaper column per week do it?? I mean, apart from the incentive of
the ridiculously high salary? Because we all know that the less you do,
the more you make. Usually. Oh, screw it, I don't care who disagrees.
It's true.
I had never noticed how 'dirty' our local signage could be until a few days ago.
Within the space of one mile, Dunkin' Donuts had "Slip your smoothie into a coozie"
.....well, OK, I'm all for that.
There's a bakery with a big sign for "Country Pie"......that's a eupemism, right?
And there's a business called "Mahfuz & Sons"..... I guess that's the process
for getting sons.
Remember when home heating oil used to drop in price every summer because
no one was using it? I used to fill my tank every August because that's
when the prices were lowest. I figured ONE discounted tank wouldn't hurt
the oil industry. I guess I was wrong. With Dub 'n' Dick's "Energy Task Force" plan
now fully in force, the prices DON'T drop in the summer anymore.
"Task Force".....it's obvious that the "task" was to maximize industry
profits.
I was driving the other day and saw lots of traffic ahead. Fortunately,
there was an alternate route I could take at the upcoming light.
I looked in the mirror and saw no one close by in the lane to my left - great,
I can swing over there and make the left turn....admittedly, already past
where the lane markers divide, but no one was close by in the lane so I went for
it. THEN, an old guy, who was about 12 car-lengths back, stomped on
his accelerator and caught up to me. He started waving his hands and
yelling, blowing his horn and shaking his head. Now, I hadn't cut him off.
He was just enforcing his own brand of law, letting me know HE SAW me
make the late lane change. It kind of pissed me off, because yes, I had done it,
BUT who the fuck was he?? Fortunately for him, he didn't do it to
someone about a mile down the road in an area where he may have
gotten shot for that behaviour. Fortunate for him that I'm just a regular
moron. What if he'd found an irregular one who was armed?? Anyway,
I didn't cut him off so WTF??? Shut up and mind your own business.
My son's friend's mom deceived us. A month ago, when we were all talking
about sending our kids to "Think Camp" at the local college, she told
me her daughter (my son's best friend) would be attending the full day session.
We figured they'd like to go together. So I signed Master L up for the
full-day class. The thing starts and I find out that Miss V is only
attending for half the day. The nerve. The gall. What, was the mom
working for the enrollment board at the college?! Then we decided it
may actually work out better this way, because Miss V is moving away
in a month, so Master L will need to find a "new" "best" "friend".
[Don't let any of those quotes give you any false impressions of how I
feel about the subject of "friends". Heh.]
We're going to dinner at their house tonight, so I'll be sure to use some
of my subtle wit to punish her.
One of our cars is now refusing to start. It was fine. Now it's not. And
it's always when we park a car right in front of the garage door that it
will die....because it's in the way there. That spot is like the Bermuda
Triangle for automobiles. Nothing like having a non-functioning car
stuck at the top of a hill, blocking the path I use to load my musical
equipment. The only finishing touch will be rain, which will only last
the duration of the load-in/out process.
My insurance company refused to pay for a May 1 doctor appointment
I had. They claimed my "referral from the primary care doctor had run out."
After a bunch of phone calls, I discovered that the referral was for EIGHTEEN
visits. I swear, the insurance company just rubber stamps a "NO" and
hopes you won't look into it any further. Bastards. Anyway, they
didn't get away with it - but I spent over an hour on the phone.
I hate the phone. I dread hearing it ring. I've been known to cuss at the
mere sound of a phone ringing. And we've got three damned lines.....I
cuss a lot. Oh, wait, I do that regardless of the phones.
P.S.: No, Mrs. L, I'm not talking about when YOU call!!! :)
posted by Mr. L at 7:15 AM
6 Comments:
"P.S.: No, Mrs. L, I'm not talking about when YOU call!!! :)"
Like I'm going to buy that line! Am I supposed to believe you can be seen "bounding like a gazelle" across the room to get the phone when the call is from me? (Quite the memorable line, isn't it?) You'd think after 17 years that youd have given up trying to snow me like that....
HA! NEVER give up!!! I owe it to you to just keep trying... ;)
Wow, no comment about the "bounding like a gazelle" line? I'm shocked!
I find myself in full agreement with you today, L. The phone, old people driving, the oil price scam. If I lived near you we'd probably annoy the shit out of everybody around us.
holy hell, mr l! that is QUITE the laundry list of transgressions, and it's only been A WEEK! and to think i suggested monthly. you are obviously gifted in the transgression dept.
my favorite sign was in "da u.p."-- the upper peninsula of michigan. it claimed to have ho made fudge. i really wanted to see the "ho"'s that made it.
i kinda feel like i'm in the middle of a cute marital moment posting a comment here, so here's a shout out to mrs l, and to the both of you for an impressive 17 years of marriage.
ps, i've been listening to larry & the bluescasters on the trusty rusty ipod... as soon as i get typing i'll post on it. promise.
Ho made fudge? Sounds good to me...I hope it's an 'open kitchen'...LOL
Thanks, Melissa, but to clarify: Mrs. L
was referring to the whole deal, not just the marriage. We'll be hitting our 13th wedding anniversary next month.
Surprising that she's stuck around, considering my ability to complain,
eh?? :)
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