Order A Week In Advance

Do you think people in China have to reserve their Big Macs
and fries a week BEFORE their New Year celebrations to
avoid being told it's too late to place an order?

Good Thing I Don't Have A Nut Allergy

I sliced open two fingers on my left hand yesterday while
de-fleshing a coconut. [As my dad would say, "What
did you do THAT for?"]. If I'd been allergic, it would have
been a straight shot into my bloodstream.

Oh, wait....a coconut is not a nut....it's a fruit....so I
would have been safe, since I managed to stem the
flow before bleeding out!

Here's a nice little e-mail exchange with a friend of mine:
Mr. L: "....today I sliced open my third and fourth fingers on my
fretting hand....while defleshing a coconut, of all things. It was
the shell that got me, not the knife!"

"Sympathetic" friend:
"No excuse. Dummy! Django bass then... (I'm a chef, so I'm sorry
but no sympathy)."

It's great to have a support team! Anyway, the cuts were razor-clean,
so I should be healed for the gigs coming up next weekend.

Happy holidays, everyone!

The Things I've Seen....

Ah, the working world. What a place....

Let's see - in only a few short weeks of trying to raise some
extra cash, I've experienced:

- A combination of interesting interpretations of the labour laws
with the expected added "fear factor" management [gotta keep
the sheep in line, after all].

- A sign on a stack of warehouse pallets that read:
"Plane simple and stright forward get your own paltes"
[they drug test all potential employees - might I suggest
a spelling test as well???]

- A box of markers. The interesting thing was the box
copy: "Quality Blind Made Products". I guess that's
why the markers are all the same colour....making sure
there was one of each would be tough. [yeah, yeah,
I know....insensitive. Don't bother to flame me, I
know better and I'm only kidding....sheesh...]

- Another box. This one is plain white. It has two bar codes
on it and a bunch of numbers. But it doesn't indicate the
contents ANYWHERE. And then, I guess since it wasn't obvious
what it was, someone had written on it, in (blind made) black marker,
"BOX". The whole thing reminds me of a Yoko Ono art exhibit.

- Bathroom graffiti. One day, "Repent You Sinners" appeared on
the wall. Soon, someone changed it to "Repent You Shriners".
And then it was altered to read, "Repaint, You Assholes!".

- The glove story: A guy walked into the men's room, used the
urinal and washed his hands. He was WEARING RUBBER
GLOVES the whole time.....

Look at the clock....I have to go back there now....fun, fun....

Saying What They Mean

My son brought home a letter from school the other day
that asked students to do a display project.
The theme is "All About Me".

The letter said it could include his favourite foods, books,
etc.

But the best part was when the school showed its hand:
"It's just another way for us to get to him better and give
him a chance to shine."

Mrs. L claims it's just a typo - they left out the word "know"
- but I'm not so sure!!! "Give us some personal info so
we can use it to crush your spirit!!!!"

Yeah, that's probably it....

Brush (Flush??) With Fame

I recently overheard some people talking about when they
met famous people. It reminded me of the time I "met"
M.L. Carr - former Boston Celtics player.

Sure, he's not the "most famous" person I've ever met
....but the story is the focus.

M.L. came to the company where I was working to meet the
owner (I don't know why....may have involved the company's
season tickets, or maybe it was something else entirely).

I was...um....sitting in the restroom stall. M.L. came into the
room to use the urinal (which was next to the stall). As you
can imagine, an NBA player is easily tall enough to see over
a restroom stall partition, so he was basically looking down
at me. He said, "Hey...how ya doin'?....", and we "went
about our business".

I'd say that was my strangest "brush with fame"....

Oh, how I missed the working world....

I've taken on a temporary job - the first "official" non-music job
I've had since 1999.

Nothing much has changed.

Some notable quotes:

"If you get hurt, you're fired." [that sounds legal]

"If I say anything that offends anyone, it's just the
way I am." [ah, a good legal defense!]

"Here are the cardboard boxes, or 'homeless housing'. "
[quite sensitive]

First guy: "I used to make $112k a year in the 90s."
Second guy: "Then why are you doing THIS job?"
First guy: "I used to like to spend money on beautiful women."
[um...OK]

"The union says I work in THIS spot....not THAT spot."
[the other spot was a foot away...territorial, aren't ya, pal....]

Well, it's only temporary.....and since the city decided my house
has magically doubled in value (for tax purposes only), quite
necessary.