Thursday, July 27, 2006

Master L Works the Magic


Master L and friend.

Wow. His mere presence makes their clothes fall off. That's my
boy!

Transgression Thursday 3

OK, who's annoying me this week.....let's see.....

There are ads on TV around here for a "career school"
and its massage therapy classes. "The massage industry
is booming!", they say. In the ads, attractive
young people massage other attractive young people.
Right - I know a guy who
is a massage therapist and most of his clients are old/fat/sick people.
I hope no idiots are watching these ads, thinking, "I'll get to put
my hands on hot, sexy women, and they'll PAY ME to do it!"
.....actually, I take that back - if that's what they're
thinking, they deserve the reality.

Another ad that runs around here is a flooring company that claims
"We'll beat anyone's price by 15% - OR IT'S FREE!"
Imagine the conversation:
Customer: "Lugubrious Flooring says they can do it for 20% less
than your quote."
TV Ad Floor Guy: "Um....well, I can't beat that price by 15%
without losing money....so I guess I have to give you the job for free."
Stupid.

Does the old guy HAVE to block the entire supermarket aisle
while he leisurely checks his eggs? When I was a kid, they got
away with this by talking about how they saved us all by "winning
the big one". If you're 70 today, you were 9 when World War II
ended. What's the excuse NOW?

Hey! Web site designers! Don't move the fucking cursor while I'm typing!!
Who are YOU to decide into which field *I* would like to start typing??
LET MY CURSOR GO!

Does reporting spam to your service provider actually DO anything, or is
it just a "feel good" service they provide to make you think they're on the
job????

My local rep in Congress has been targeted by MoveOn.org.
They plan to launch a "caught red-handed" campaign against him,
where they basically go to all his public appearances wearing giant
foam red hands to "remind voters whose side he's really on."
My rep has never given a damn what any of his constituents think,
and only respects the party line from Washington. I've written to
him several times on different issues and his responses have all
amounted to very politically-worded "So whats". Is he really
going to care if a bunch of people run around with red foam hands
as a way of showing he's up to no good?
If anything, it will only show his party leaders that he's doing it
THEIR way! Ugh.

This week my dentist's office "jumped the shark". I've had the same
guy for 22 years. I followed him from the old office to "his" practice.
Trouble is, in the last few years I haven't seen him. He's moved on
to the "high end restorative work" that I don't need. So I've been
fobbed off onto other dentists in his office. One of them did a root
canal on me that never felt right, from the beginning. I went back
and they told me, "Sometimes it takes awhile for these to settle
down"...."The area needs to recover from surgery"....blah blah blah.
After complaining about it for almost two years, they sent me to an
outside endontics practice. Their advice? "For about $900 we'll re-do
the procedure." I was back at "my" doctor's office yesterday and
brought the subject up again, and (yet another) dentist shrugged it
off by saying, "This procedure is effective 98% of the time....could be
that you happen to be in the 2%." I am in the process of writing a letter
to the guy who is supposed to be my dentist. I am citing this example:
"Suppose you brought your BMW into a repair shop, and when you
got it back it wasn't fixed. Then the shop owner hemmed and hawed
for a year and a half before sending you to his cousin's shop across the
road....and the second shop offered to re-do the repair for slightly
more than you paid the first one. Would that be OK? How would
you handle it?"

What's this crap about credit card companies tacking on an extra fee
now for international orders? I order stuff online from the UK, Germany
and France a lot. Now they're suddenly charging an extra fee for the transactions.
This is probably something my congressman voted for, I'll bet. Get out
the red foam hands, damn it!!!

And the last thing I'll bitch about today is that it's still technically
Wednesday. I'll have to wait until midnight to post this for it to
have a Thursday date.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Who? Meme?

I was tagged by Hello, Melissa!
so here I go, even though I'm not
the 'sharing' kind....but you knew that
already, right?!?

Five Things in My Freezer
1. pork, shrimp and leek Dumplings
2. 5 flavours of ice cream
3. bag o' chopped onions
4. french fries
5. vague "freezer-burn" smell that says "something's gotta go"

Five Things in My Closets
1. guitars
2. upright bass
3. bouzouki
4. mandolins
5. about 1000 LPs

Five Things in My Car
1. dozens of sheets of paper with various gig directions,
many too sun-bleached to read
2. jumper cables
3. tons of napkins (unless you need one)
4. water in the spare tire compartment from the leaky hatchback
5. absorbent rag to soak up the water

Five Things in My Purse (I don't own a purse, so I'll improvise)
1. breath mints
2. the complete recordings of Brave Combo
3. habanero-based hot sauce
4. some kind of food for ducks (you never know)
5. chocolate (unfortunately too melty too enjoy)

Well, there you go. I can't do much better, since I've recently
attempted to convert to a "one day per week" schedule and I've
already used that up!! HA!

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Transgression Thursday 2

Has it been a week already? Just how DO those people who write one
newspaper column per week do it?? I mean, apart from the incentive of
the ridiculously high salary? Because we all know that the less you do,
the more you make. Usually. Oh, screw it, I don't care who disagrees.
It's true.

I had never noticed how 'dirty' our local signage could be until a few days ago.
Within the space of one mile, Dunkin' Donuts had "Slip your smoothie into a coozie"
.....well, OK, I'm all for that.
There's a bakery with a big sign for "Country Pie"......that's a eupemism, right?
And there's a business called "Mahfuz & Sons"..... I guess that's the process
for getting sons.

Remember when home heating oil used to drop in price every summer because
no one was using it? I used to fill my tank every August because that's
when the prices were lowest. I figured ONE discounted tank wouldn't hurt
the oil industry. I guess I was wrong. With Dub 'n' Dick's "Energy Task Force" plan
now fully in force, the prices DON'T drop in the summer anymore.
"Task Force".....it's obvious that the "task" was to maximize industry
profits.

I was driving the other day and saw lots of traffic ahead. Fortunately,
there was an alternate route I could take at the upcoming light.
I looked in the mirror and saw no one close by in the lane to my left - great,
I can swing over there and make the left turn....admittedly, already past
where the lane markers divide, but no one was close by in the lane so I went for
it. THEN, an old guy, who was about 12 car-lengths back, stomped on
his accelerator and caught up to me. He started waving his hands and
yelling, blowing his horn and shaking his head. Now, I hadn't cut him off.
He was just enforcing his own brand of law, letting me know HE SAW me
make the late lane change. It kind of pissed me off, because yes, I had done it,
BUT who the fuck was he?? Fortunately for him, he didn't do it to
someone about a mile down the road in an area where he may have
gotten shot for that behaviour. Fortunate for him that I'm just a regular
moron. What if he'd found an irregular one who was armed?? Anyway,
I didn't cut him off so WTF??? Shut up and mind your own business.

My son's friend's mom deceived us. A month ago, when we were all talking
about sending our kids to "Think Camp" at the local college, she told
me her daughter (my son's best friend) would be attending the full day session.
We figured they'd like to go together. So I signed Master L up for the
full-day class. The thing starts and I find out that Miss V is only
attending for half the day. The nerve. The gall. What, was the mom
working for the enrollment board at the college?! Then we decided it
may actually work out better this way, because Miss V is moving away
in a month, so Master L will need to find a "new" "best" "friend".
[Don't let any of those quotes give you any false impressions of how I
feel about the subject of "friends". Heh.]

We're going to dinner at their house tonight, so I'll be sure to use some
of my subtle wit to punish her.

One of our cars is now refusing to start. It was fine. Now it's not. And
it's always when we park a car right in front of the garage door that it
will die....because it's in the way there. That spot is like the Bermuda
Triangle for automobiles. Nothing like having a non-functioning car
stuck at the top of a hill, blocking the path I use to load my musical
equipment. The only finishing touch will be rain, which will only last
the duration of the load-in/out process.

My insurance company refused to pay for a May 1 doctor appointment
I had. They claimed my "referral from the primary care doctor had run out."
After a bunch of phone calls, I discovered that the referral was for EIGHTEEN
visits. I swear, the insurance company just rubber stamps a "NO" and
hopes you won't look into it any further. Bastards. Anyway, they
didn't get away with it - but I spent over an hour on the phone.

I hate the phone. I dread hearing it ring. I've been known to cuss at the
mere sound of a phone ringing. And we've got three damned lines.....I
cuss a lot. Oh, wait, I do that regardless of the phones.

P.S.: No, Mrs. L, I'm not talking about when YOU call!!! :)

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Transgression Thursday

A new feature here at Mr. Lugubrious. Or, not. I was thinking
maybe I'd feel better if I vented and bitched regularly. But we'll
just have to see if I can keep finding things to complain about.
After all, as those of you who know me are aware, complaining
is simply not in my nature. If you are confused, read the FAQ.


OK, well.....

A ceiling section of highway tunnel in Boston collapsed the other night
and killed a passenger in a car. Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney's
response has been to seize upon the opportunity to attempt to remove the
Turnpike Authority boss from office. It just so happens that they are
from rival parties. Romney doesn't seem interested in holding the overpaid
construction contractors responsible for their shoddy work, though.
Maybe they donated to his campaign (yeah, right....maybe). This guy's
a schlub, and please, PLEASE don't vote for him when he "goes
national". Just my opinion, of course. Maybe he'll mention the victim
one of these days instead of his political rivals. Well, that's if he hangs
around - he's usually out of the state, networking his political future.

There's been a sign outside a local business for the last few weeks:
"Freedom is never given - It is earned".
I guess the Bill of Rights is officially dead! Kind of makes me wonder
why our soldiers are all over the globe, "giving" other countries "freedom".
Shouldn't they earn it?

My digital camera died and I had to send it back to the company. Hey, it
WAS three months old and I took about 130 pictures. What more do I
expect for the money? Selfish jerk.

As you may already know, my 17" computer monitor died. I'm still not
sure if I'm pissed off about that. The 12" has better colour. Plus, my
eyes seem to have adjusted to the smaller size (or I'm just getting old).
OK, that pisses me off. But who can I blame for any of that?!?

I hate people who say, "Read the FAQ." But they're not quite as bad
as the ones who say, "RTFM". At least I can usually find the FAQ.
And it didn't kill any trees.


FAQ:

Q: Why Thursday?
A: It's because it took me five days since I thought of it to get around to doing it.

Q: Why "Transgression"?
A: Good question. Because it's alliterative and therefore slightly memorable,
and because I'm lazy and stopped looking for another word once I found that
one.

Q: Whose transgressions are they?
A: If they were mine, they wouldn't bother me.

Friday, July 07, 2006

My, How You've Changed

Wow.

All of a sudden, you've all gotten smaller....and more bulbous
....but somehow sharper and more vivid. Even Bored Housewife
is more vivid, if such a thing is possible.

Yup....my 17" monitor fried in the heat the other day, and I've
had to go back to the 12" that was stored away in the basement.
The stupid thing is, I probably paid as much for this old thing
when it was new as I'd pay for a new flatscreen 17" monitor
now. Well, close, anyway.

So, I'll try not to mention your sudden weight gain if you'll
excuse my squinting at you. Deal?

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Bravely, Into The Abyss

I'm getting ready to go play a gig that is actually fairly typical
for the summer in these parts: the "fill-in drummer" gig.

For some reason, it's practically impossible in New England
to have the ACTUAL DRUMMER in the band play all the
gigs during the summer. And it's not like they miss ONE or
TWO due to a vacation - they seem to miss about 70% of
them. This has happened to me every year for over 20
years.

So, where are they? What are they doing? Who knows,
and "drummer stuff" are the only answers I can find.
Usually it involves motorcycles or fishing.
What I can't figure out is, if they all like to be off doing
other stuff, how do they decide who stays home to
take the fill-in gigs?!? Is there a rotation?

I had to scramble this week to come up with a drummer for
an afternoon (5 - 8) gig. I went through my entire book of
names. Nothing. Then I called someone else for THEIR book of
names. Nothing. And then I called the guy who built my upright bass,
figuring, well, he's a bass player and must deal with this, too. He
gave me three names...trouble is, he's a jazz player, so those are the
players he knows.

Well, one of them has agreed to be a blues player for three hours.
I have no idea who this guy is, and I've never heard him play.
I sent him three CDs of our material, which he received
YESTERDAY. I assume he'll be listening to them in the
car on the way to the gig today.

For a brief moment, we thought we had picked up another
gig right after (and right down the street from) the first one....
but it fell through. Too bad - I'm sure the drummer would
know our stuff by the end of the second gig on the same day!

Or not.

Anyway, I fear I'll be spending all my time this afternoon giving
cues rather than doing any musical exploration myself.

Here goes.....