My Second Career

My son started school this week. This means my time
as a stay-at-home dad is coming to a close.

In a previous life, I worked as a computer operator
and/or programmer. I'd say I'm a bit out of the
loop at this point, though. Plus, living inside
the "Dilbert" cartoon had gotten tiring, even six
years ago!!

So - what to do for extra money now? My Aunt
Peggy always used to say I "should get a job at
a toy factory sewing the assholes onto the Teddy
bears."

To be fair, Aunt Peggy (no longer with us)
came up with this scheme quite awhile ago.

And I'm not sure, but I think that job is done by
machines in Indonesia now. But I suppose I could
GO there. I like to travel, and someone needs to
monitor the machines.

Corner

If you paint yourself into a corner,
paint the wall until the floor dries.

Where the HELL have I been....

Well....apart from all our other recent bad luck,
my mother-in-law passed away this past week.

Needless to say, things are "not right" around
here. When things settle (or I need to vent),
I'll be back....

Something in Common Already

A friend of mine sent me a picture of his wife's
ultrasound, along with the medical observation
that "the black dot to the right is the baby's heart,
which is currently is no bigger than a pencil eraser!"....

Funny thing, that's exactly what I overheard the techs
saying about MY scans last January.

I Love People....

...all kinds of people....

Hopefully, they dragged the person who wrote that
song through the streets and....

Ugh. Last week one of our cars had two tires slashed
in the city where my wife works.

Tonight, I parked the same car downtown in our city
and someone siphoned all the gas out. There
wasn't much, so "pffft!" to them....but WHY does
a car that looks like total crap keep getting hit??
I don't get it.

I hope they used the old-fashioned siphon method,
so the two gallons of gas they stole helps to bring
on a good case of cancer of the mouth. But probably
not - most crooks these days have all the really cool
tools.

Gas Tank Chicken

One of the charming games my wife likes to play
with (I should say "on") me is Gas Tank Chicken.

Somehow, every time she uses a car, she manages
to get it home with just enough gas left in the tank
to make it to a gas station....maybe. I don't know
how she does it. She has no fear of "E".

I suppose it's not such a stretch these days that she
doesn't put gas in the car - when I went to the store
this morning (and, of course, to the gas station or
I wouldn't have made it home), the price for regular
gas had gone up again. It's now averaging $2.60
around our area.

There was a gas station about a mile away that went
out of business in the spring of 2001. Although the
building has been vacant since, the prices are
still posted on the sign: $1.08 for regular.

Hey, that's only a 240% increase. Can't wait to see
what home-heating oil will cost this winter.

I assume this winter will drive lots more people
into poverty. But that's been taken care of: you
are, by law, no longer allowed to be poor. Pay
up, pal.

We'll be a third-world nation yet. But hey, some of
those are pretty nice, right? If we could have the
warm climate, well....oh....right....they're working on
that, too.

It's funny how there's no money for any public projects
unless they involve using up lots of oil. Pave, pave,
pave. There was no funding for it for years. But now
it's everywhere. Too bad my father retired. He was
a paving contractor. He could have cashed in.
Who knows? Maybe they even offer extra incentives
for spills...

Time to go do some bodywork on the car, so the water
will stay out. I don't need any extra drag affecting the
mileage of that wondrous American-made machine from
1987. Of course, I know who'll be filling the tank.

Anniversary

Today is my 12th wedding anniversary.

The celebration (so far) consisted of clinking together
a couple of glasses of iced cappuccino. Mrs. L said,
"not bad".

I said, "That's it? That's all you can say after 12 years of
marriage??"

She said, "I meant the iced cap."

Then she had to go to work.

So - 16 years together, 12 married, 1 six-year old son,
and money as a "concept" rather than a reality.

I wouldn't trade it. Not for anything.

[I will gladly accept money, but not in exchange!!!]

Post-Game Summary

OK, I admit it - I overestimated the cost of the dogs
and drinks. $3 & $4 plus change. I was kind of
surprised. The volume makes up for it I suppose.
Although I do feel something just isn't right when
a bottle of water is $4. Hey, the street vendors
outside only charge $3! The convenience store
on the corner charges $1.19.

The total cost of the night for a family of 3 was around
$270, including everything (parking, trains, tickets, "food").
"Family Friendly" ? I'll leave that for you to decide.

We went in early to watch batting practice. Master L
was amazed at how far the batters could hit the ball.

No players came over to the waiting throngs of kids
along the wall. My son did manage to get his hat
signed by Theo Epstein (general manager of the
team).

He also didn't get nailed by a one-hop foul ball
during batting practice (missed by two feet).
[Someone behind us DID get hit by it. And
a woman standing next to us who was from
NY actually said, "That would never happen
in Yankee Stadium"....how can that be?!?]

Master L had his picture taken with "Wally
the Green Monster", a sort-of mutated Muppet in
a baseball hat. But that was indoors and we'd left
the flash at home (OK, *I* left the flash at home,
alright??). We used film, or I'd put up a picture
now. The anticipation will have to build...

I hadn't been to a game at Fenway since 1995.
The most noticeable difference was....
Final score: Red Sox 9, White Sox 8.
The home team wins now.

Master L got a win at his first major league
game. Woo hoo!

On the way home, he wanted to know when
the "next" game would be....D'OH!!!!!

Alt Medicine and Fenway

While searching in vain for my son's Chicago
White Sox hat (his great-grandfather gave it him
because it said "Sox", thinking it was a RED SOX
hat!), I discovered our alternative medicine
cabinet.

There was a bin in the basement full of clothes that
mostly belonged to my wife. Almost every garment
had some kind of sinus relief medication in one
of the pockets. Of course, all of it was out-of-date.
If only I'd known, I'd have gotten down there sooner.

Actually, I don't know about you, but I've given up on
all of that sinus/allergy stuff. It just doesn't work for
me anymore. And it's WAY too expensive.

Anyway, we're off to Fenway Park to watch the Red Sox
play the White Sox. I figured if my son had BOTH hats
he'd double his chances for autographs if we got there
early enough. Besides, Mrs. L was "born in Chicago",
as they say in the blues, so it's not like we're traitors
or anything...too much. I just want Master L to have a
good time at his first major league game.

I haven't been to Fenway since 1995. I'm figuring...what...
$5 for a soda...$9 for a hot dog?!?! Ahhh, but they just
don't taste the same anywhere else, do they?

No - I don't want to know why!!!!

Hey, they still have real grass in Fenway Park. Wonder if
I should grab a handful of outdated allergy medication
for the game? I hear it goes well with Budweiser.

Go Sox!

When I Was Your Age....

Hey, my son deserves one of these, too, right?
We got plenty of them (in verbal form) when we
were kids!

------------------------------------------------------------------

...we only had 10 TV channels. And we watched them ALL.
You've got 97 and only watch 3. What's up with that???
Never mind - I don't even want you watching as much
television as you already do!

..."Pong" was considered "high-tech".

...a "mini-computer" was larger than our refrigerator.

...kids walked the neighbourhood in winter, asking if
people wanted their cars shoveled out, rather than just
pummeling their fathers with snowballs as they did all the
shoveling.

...kids walked the neighbourhood in general. Kind of "free
range", until dinner time when you'd start hearing kids' names
being screamed from a distance. The kids who feared their
parents most, ran the fastest.

...I got up to get my own drink once in awhile.

...my parents were able to live very comfortably on ONE
income - including a house, boat, vacations, etc. But not
able to get along.

...the internet tecnically existed, but it was only used by
computer programmers to store their porn, like a giant,
virtual mattress. They got really mad when we found
out about it.

..."trick or treating" started when it GOT DARK, not at
5 pm. And we went out without parents. DON'T EVEN
THINK ABOUT IT.

...for some reason, when we laid around in the grass, we
weren't instantly covered with ants, deer ticks or leeches.
I don't know WHAT the hell happened there...

...Jimi Hendrix was still alive. Ouch.

Just Another Wednesday

Arrrgh!!!!

The flush valve in our (only) toilet is apparently
broken tonight. It was just replaced a couple of weeks
ago.

Trouble is, it was replaced under warrantee by a plumbing
company that misdiagnosed a problem a few months earlier!!!

So - do I REALLY want to call them and complain....only to
have them show up and do MORE of their half-assed work??

After we'd been living here for awhile, I thought I had it
figured out: If you are a vocational school graduate in
this state, you are a contractor.

If you are a vocational school dropout....you're on the contractor's
crew.

Oh....and my car's thermostat died today. Then I got pulled over
by the police for making a u-turn - trying to get it back to my
house before it overheated. That's when I found out I also
have a brake light out....

I'm a happy guy all around!! Woo hoo!!!

I'm Usually Adventurous

When it comes to food, I'll try lots of things...
but today I had to draw the line.

I was in the drive-thru line at Dunkin' Donuts and
saw a sign advertising their latest menu item:

"Turtle Nut" Iced Latte.

There are some things I don't want in my coffee....
and just how many turtles have to die to make
one of these things?!?