Spreading the Joy

Finally settling back in at home after making a quick three-state
run with the band. Can you say, "Regional"...?
Some highlights...

Nudist camp in Vermont:
When I got "near" the place, I couldn't find the entrance even
after driving back and forth four times. I finally pulled into
a driveway and knocked on the door. When the door opened,
I said, "Sorry to bother you....but I just drove two and a half
hours and now I can't find the place where my band is
supposed to play." I showed him the directions and asked
if he knew where it was. He cautiously said, "Um....is this....
a nudist thing?" I told him it was, but that I was in the band
and he wouldn't have to worry about my sorry body being
naked anywhere in his area. He laughed and said, "A quarter
mile back toward town. There's a "For Sale" sign on the red
barn across the street from the driveway."

And there it was.

As I started unloading equipment (my musical equipment!!!),
a twenty-something naked guy - from this point in the story
onward, assume everyone I encounter is naked - asked,
a bit too enthusiastically, "So, are you guys gonna PLAY
naked??" I told him sweat and guitars don't mix, so I
planned to keep my clothes ON. Plus, were there to
entertain....not repulse.

After we started the set, someone yelled out, "Will the
band get naked for $100?" Total? No. $100 per man?
We might have considered THAT....ha....no, let's remain
"professional"....mmm hmmm.....

Between sets there was a BBQ buffet. The food was
excellent, but it was strange to be served by people
in the nude. Good thing there was no hot soup on
offer.

Overall, the crowd was one of the nicest we'd ever
had. When I told my brother that, he commented,
"Well, if you're a guy, and your balls are hanging
out, you're going to behave yourself." Good point.

Next up was the lovely state of Maine ($6.60 in tolls).
There was a group of "drunken, spoiled frat boys",
as the owner called them. She was actually hoping
they'd just leave, but no, they were staying. On
the band's first break, two of them jumped up onstage
and started yelling into our microphones. I was in NO
mood for this crap, having spent so long in the car
driving. I ran over to them and told them to get
away from the equipment. They did. However,
one set (and many beers later), while the band
was on it's second break, one of those guys
jumped behind the drum kit, sat down and
grabbed the sticks. I snapped, and bolted across
the room. I grabbed him by the arm and neck
and THREW him to the floor. Then "the bouncer"
came over and told me I "shouldn't have done that",
that the guy just needed some "guidance" to get away
from the equipment. RIGHT.

Later, the owner (who actually enjoyed my show of
force) told me that the bouncer "used to be security
for Aerosmith"....I wondered aloud how much equipment
they lost during his tenure...the guy seemed to be in his
50s now, so his job with them may have been 30 years
ago.

Oh, well....we sold some CDs, anyway - something we
didn't do at the nudist camp. Later, it dawned on us that
THE NUDISTS DIDN'T HAVE WALLETS.......

My favourite road sign in Maine read "Exit 19 -
Formerly Exit 2". Urban sprawl, anyone?

Then it was down to Massachusetts, to the place where the
food is good and the women are.......well, the phrase,
"Remember where you are" is a band standard here.
During a break, while I was outside checking in with Mrs. L
on the phone, a woman sat down on the next bench. She
was telling someone on the phone, "Yeah, I'm here with
Dawn....but you know how she is....she goes for the young
guys who don't have anything....I know....really...."

Which makes me glad I'm happily married. Thirteen years,
today, as a matter of fact. Whatever you do, DO NOT
try to reason with, nor buy corrective lenses for Mrs. L!!
...heh....