How To....Part 2

OK, well, I guess my problem with the water
reboiling is that allowing it to cool off in the
interim creates a perfect environment for
germ growth. Mrs. L claims the reboiling
kills the germs.

I grew up near a city with a really bad
chemical dump. The story they pushed
for years was that the smell was an old
tannery. We were supposed to believe that
there were dead cows spread out everywhere
that had just been abandoned, I guess.
Yep - just out there, rotting and stinking
in the sun for 20+ years.
It was pretty stupid.

Any time you took the train into Boston, though,
you could see piles of rotting metal barrels (not
cows). Hmmm......

Still - the "boil your water" myth was always around.
Now, maybe I'm naive....but if you have a pot full
of a dioxin mixture and you boil it....does it change
into spring water??

Thankfully, local governments have figured out what
to do with all of those pesky old chemical dumps:
cover 'em with what amounts to an over-glorified plastic
trashbag, throw a pile of dirt over them, and then....

BUILD PLAYGROUNDS OR BASEBALL FIELDS ON THEM!

Nice. Something to think about next time you see those
vent pipes on your kids' ball fields.

"Don't dig too deeply with those cleats, Billy!"

(Ah, don't worry - when was the last time a trashbag
fell apart on you?!?)

** DISCLAIMER **

Mr. L is not a scientist and uses only common sense
when evaluating the danger of exposure to toxic
chemicals!!! What an idiot.

How To Boil Water

I must ask:

Does it seem right to boil water in a kettle,
pour out what you need into a cup . . .

. . . and then let the kettle sit on the stove half
full of water - which you will REBOIL next time
you want some?

It just seems wrong.
But I don't want to sound like this guy .

Well . . . not TOO much . . .

Zeta Dad

Tried to sign my son up for summer swim
classes this week . . . but I can't keep up with
the Alpha Moms.

First, the city announced that the signup was
Thursday morning, so we went down there at
8:30 for the 9 a.m. signup. There was no one
around.

Eventually, some other people showed up to
sign up. Then, a city employee showed up to
tell us that the signup had been moved to
Friday. Then it took me an hour to extract my
son from the playground so we could do the
rest of our errands.

This morning, I couldn't wake my son up. He
just "waved me off".... so I ended up going to
the park by myself.

This time, though, there was a huge line. You'd
have thought Springsteen and U2 were playing a
double-bill and tickets were going on sale today.
There was a big line of folding chairs.
Some people said they had been in line since
7 a.m.!

After I had been waiting in line for over an hour,
a city employee came out and announced that Levels
1-3 were full. I bet you can guess that my son is in
that range!!!

So I guess we wait for the next session, and I'll buy
some camping gear. Mmm....omelets over sterno....

The Waiting Game

The other day, my son and I went on a typical
excursion to the supermarket. I grabbed a random
CD for the ride, as I always do when I go out.

The CD turned out to be Todd Rundgren,
"Nearly Human".

As the second song ("The Waiting Game") was
playing, I noticed that my son was getting
visibly, and very seriously, upset. I asked him
what was wrong.

He said, "Dad? Can you change this song?
It's reminding me of things that make me sad."

I said, "OK....what is it about it that
makes you sad?"

He told me he "didn't want to talk about it
right now."

I still don't know what it was about. But the
song stirred up something very powerful
inside him.

Mrs. L thinks it might have something to do
with relatives that have passed that he knows
he can't see anymore.

We may never know.

iSorry

Never say anything negative about iPod technology.
Its devotees will get you. They will hunt you down.
They will accuse you of "not caring about music".
You will be ostracized and have your pets taken
away. Birds will poop on your car. The pollen count
in your area will rise. Large caterpillers will chew the
leaves of trees outside your bedroom window so loudly
that you will lose sleep.

Wow. Who knew? iSorry!!!!! Make it stop!!!

My Kind of People...

I went down to the local supermarket last night.
It was a typical time for me to be at the store, around
11:30 p.m.

I had to use the bathroom, so I went there first and took
my position at the . . . urinal . . . OK, I said it, let's move
on. Then a guy came in behind me and went into the
stall (the only other place available then). Then I heard
a big slam (sounded like the toilet seat), followed by
a loud "OW!!!!!"

Then, as I was washing my hands, the guy came out of the
stall and said, "So THAT'S what those are for . . ."

I have NO idea what he meant.

Then, in the parking lot, two girls were having a very
loud, very graphic discussion about bloody underwear,
right down to a description of the offending stain.

O . . . K . . .

Awhile ago, I noticed that this one guy was at virtually
EVERY concert I attended. My wife and I could scan the
crowd and sure enough, we'd see the guy. He would
usually be rocking in his seat and giving the "devil horn"
sign with his right hand at weird moments (is there really
an appropriate moment?). Thing was, he'd be at rock shows.
He'd be at folk shows. Whatever. I told Mrs. L, "Maybe the
guy is stalking me" . . .

She said, "He probably thinks YOU'RE stalking HIM."

Which is when it hit me: all the times that I'm in a crowd
and thinking, "Wow, what a weird bunch . . . "

THOSE are my peers. In the words of Astro, "Ruh, roh!"

Oh, Those Telemarketers!

As some of you may know, I hate the telephone.
It's never for me [except when it rings and I say
"It's not for me, so I'm not answering it" - then
it always IS].

The exception is anyone calling to offer me
work: I love you all, keep those calls coming.

But usually it's either bad news or a telemarketer.

We used to get so many, that for awhile I had a
whole routine worked up for them:

I'd answer their questions in a tone as if everything
they said was a miracle. But my answers
would be off-topic, such as:

Telemarketer:
"Hello, Mr. Lew Grewdious [they ALWAYS mispronounce
it, right??]. The reason I'm calling today is to let you know
you've been selected to . . . [skip ahead five minutes] . . so,
how about it, sir, can I sign you up?"

Me :
"I had a little dog once. He was brown."

- or -

Telemarketer:
"Can I have your credit card number?"

Me :
"Three. I'm very old, you know."

Repeat as necessary until they hang up.

Then along came the "Do Not Call Registry" to ruin
my fun. Well, not really. Companies you already
do business with are still allowed to call you, as
are certain charities. The other day my phone company
called for the millionth time to offer me DSL service.
Would it be so hard for them to keep track of how
many times I've said no???

I had just come in from mowing the lawn. So I
was tired, hot and sweaty ("For no good reason,"
as Mrs. L would say). Not a good time to pester
me!

An excerpt . . .

Telemarketer:
"With DSL, you can be on the internet and not tie up
your phone."

Me:
"Is there any way you can make it so it DOES tie up the
phone?"

Telemarketer:
"Um . . .no. Why?"

Me:
"Well, the main benefit of dialup is that if I were online
right now, I wouldn't be talking to a telemarketer."

OK, maybe that was a bit mean.

I actually have a friend who is a telemarketer.
The guy needs to make money somehow, I
guess. But he doesn't make sales calls to
MY house. He did pretend once - and I almost
hung up on him before he said, "WAIT! It's
me!"

Hide the Children and Pets!

Bringing us up-to-date, so I can't be accused of falsely representing myself as a youngster! This is a fairly recent photo. You'll note that my practice spaces haven't improved all that much in the last 11 years! Well, this one is cleaner....and I own it....so I guess that IS better.

Another found photo

A friend of mine pointed out that the only photo on this site would lead you to believe I am a skinny kid. Even though that photo is clearly labeled "1984", let's move forward in time - slowly, so as not to scare the children or pets. This one was taken at a posh rehearsal space in Cambridge circa 1994. Clearly, my then love of Guinness was starting to have an adverse effect!